#6: Raising Confident Young Adults: 5 Self-Confidence Strategies that Parents Can Easily Use

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Self-confidence in children, of all ages, is the foundation for a thriving, resilient life. It isn’t just a trait—it’s a powerful life skill that your adult child needs to overcome obstacles and achieve independence. In this episode, we explore why self-confidence is perhaps the most important attribute your young adult can develop and how you, as a parent, play a crucial role in nurturing it. Join us as we discuss 5 impactful strategies for building confidence in young adults and helping your adult child thrive. Whether they’re struggling to launch into adulthood or they're simply feeling down, these confidence-boosting methods will empower them to feel capable, motivated, and ready to face life’s challenges.    

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Transcript

In this episode, I’ll be addressing a topic that tugs at the heartstrings of many parents because of how deeply it impacts their child’s life.   If you're a parent whose adult child is struggling with low self-esteem and self-confidence, and you want to know how you can help, then this episode is for you. 

Actually, this is one of my favorite topics, answering the question, “What Can I Do to Help My Child Develop Self-Confidence?” And as with every episode, you’ll walk away with strategies and actionable steps that you can start using right away. I believe with my whole heart, that helping children develop self confidence is one of the most challenging and yet, most important undertakings for any parent. But it is also the most rewarding. You see, children aren’t born confident, nor are they born with low self-esteem. Confidence develops gradually over time through their experiences—both positive and negative. Many of these moments happen when we’re not even around, 

Like when they get bullied at school.

It’s so painful to watch your once bright-eyed happy child who you loved unconditionally, go out into the world one day and come back the next, having an experience that has made them feel so unloved, in fact rejected. As parents, we want so badly to protect our children from the world, but we can’t. Life will challenge them, and all we can do is keep at it. Keep guiding them, keep reminding them who they are, and keep telling them that whatever knocks them down, that they have the inner strength, the resilience to shake it off and rise up again. But boy oh boy, is it hard.  Now, If this sounds personal to me, it’s because it is. I’ll share a story with you that will help you understand how close to my heart this is. One day, my kid comes home from school and is looking a little worse for wear. Just by the expression on their little face, I can see something was off. When I ask, they are quick to tell me that another child was mean to them that day. The circumstances were irrelevant. What mattered to me was my kids’ feelings were hurt. And I had to teach him how to recover from that. This was not the child that I was raising. I was a confident, single mother, probably a warrior in a past life and I wasn’t going to let the world fuck up my kid. So, I got down on my knees, at eye level, turned to them and said, from now on, every day before you go to school, I want you to put on your I don’t give a shit shield. I said, this is our little secret. And when you wear that shield you will always be protected from whatever mean kids say or do. 

Yes, my child was a bit shocked that I used the S-H word as they called it. But that just made my message more impactful and more memorable. And maybe it was a bit unconventional, but I wanted my child to feel empowered, to know that whatever kids do or say, that they can bounce back from it, and protect himself from taking these experiences to heart when it happens again. Because we know it will. Not everyone is going to like our kids, the way we do.

So yeah, I get it. I get how incredibly important self confidence is and why we want them to have it for their entire lives, because it impacts every aspect of it. What IS self confidence and is it something that we can change or help our children to develop, so that they can thrive in the world, rather than struggle or cower in silence? Self-confidence is a deep-rooted belief in your own self worth and potential. It is trusting yourself that you can overcome whatever challenges you face with resilience and grit. Self confidence to me, feels like this mighty oak tree that remains standing, regardless of whatever storms it faces. Imagine if all humans had that same tenacity to weather their own storms. 

 My hope is that parents can learn what roots they need to plant in their children, so they could handle whatever life blows their way. Maybe after today’s episode you will have a better idea, a clearer understanding of how you can help your child build their self confidence by fostering a deeper, stronger sense of them self and of their own worth. But that can’t happen if we’re so overprotective, that we never let them experience adversity.  Of course, we never want our kids to have bad experiences, but they actually have to have them in order to learn how to overcome them. What a paradox. I know that parents can help make a difference in their child’s self confidence by encouraging them to develop resilience, helping them discover their strengths, and letting them take ownership of their lives, so they can feel more in control and more capable to navigate the world in their own way. 

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it over and over again:
 Competence breeds Confidence. We all know this, that the more skilled we become at doing something, the better we feel about ourselves. And when we don’t know how to do something or how to be in a certain situation, that’s when we feel most insecure. So remember, the next time you want to jump in and do something for your child that they should do for themselves, don’t. This where the term Bull-dozer Parenting comes from. Clearing the path for them, by doing it for them, so they don’t have to struggle. But it’s in the STRUGGLE that they learn and that’s when their confidence grows. Before I dive into these strategies on how you can help, I want to mention that none of will include advice like be supportive, offer praise at every turn, and keeping cheer them on. My feeling is you’re probably already doing that, but somehow it doesn’t seem to move the needle. That’s why these strategies might be a bit more effective than your constant praise approach. It’s not that I don’t condone super positive parenting, because I think that being a positive parent is what every child deserves. But there’s a difference between being a personal cheering squad, yelling good job at every turn, then being an engaged supportive parent. Maybe, when you think of a supportive parent you imagine it’s a parent that’s being incredibly patient, optimistic and not pressuring them, hoping, fingers crossed, that they’ll get there when they’re ready. But that alone will not be effective. The true meaning of an engaged, supportive parent for a young adult is like that of an Advisor. You are coaching them to develop the skills and mindset that they need to become self-reliant. Being a supportive parent means allowing your adult child to make decisions for themselves, take action, solve their own problems, and come to you for advice when they want it.This is your job as the parent of a young adult. Your role is to help them grow into someone who can navigate their challenges with resilience, confidence, and a sense of mastery over their own life. 

How can this happen if you are always coddling and rescuing them?

I see parenting like this. In the most simplistic visual way. When they’re babies we hold them. When they’re school age, we hold their hand, when their teens and adolescents, they walk behind us, and when they’re young adults, they walk beside us. That’s how it has always felt for me. There’s another concept that I want to clarify and then I promise I will give you 5 actionable steps. But this one is really important for our children to learn, which is why I’ve said it several times now, and that is resiliency. Resiliency is the ability to recover from setbacks, to adapt to change, and to keep going despite difficulties. It's about bouncing back when life throws challenges their way and not letting their failures or hardships stop them from moving forward. Shit is going to happen. Things are going to go awry. We need to help them learn how to recover. For young adults, being resilient is especially important because they’re at a stage in life where they will face many new challenges—whether it's handling job rejections, navigating relationships, or figuring out how to live without you. If they develop resilience, they won’t let obstacles ruin them. Instead, they’ll learn from them, adapt, and keep striving towards their goals. And the more they practice being resilience, the stronger their confidence becomes. Each time they overcome a challenge; they prove to themselves that they are capable of handling tough situations. No matter what comes their way, they will know that they can bounce back and succeed. That’s why resiliency is so important. 

Alright, here we go with 5 different strategies.

The first, is one that I referred to earlier: Building Confidence through Competence. As I mentioned, self-confidence grows when a young adult feels capable. Start by giving them responsibilities, such as doing chores, running errands, paying for their own personal needs, planning their day, scheduling their appointments. When they take ownership of their responsibilities, not only are you teaching them how to be an adult, but their self confidence will grow with each completed task. There is so much incredible research that has been done on the benefits of giving even young children age-appropriate responsibilities. Developmental psychologists have found that when kids are given tasks, they become self sufficient, independent and confident because they feel a sense of pride in their accomplishments. They also develop discipline and accountability. According to a long-term study from Harvard University, children who participate in chores performed better in school and were more likely to become successful in their careers. I could go on, suffice to say, the benefits of giving kids responsibilities is overwhelmingly positive. And even if you didn’t start when yours were young, it never too late. You are raising an adult, right up until they leave your house, even after. 

The second suggestion is what I call Growth through Self Reflection. This when you help your adult child to recognize their individuality and their unique qualities. We want to help our children to become aware of their strengths and focus on their own capabilities, instead of relying on external praise. We know, as mature adults, that if we wait or rely on other people to validate us, we give our power away. Let’s teach our children to become self aware, to see their own truth, to value themselves in the world, and that will build an unshakable confidence. The next suggestion is to help them develop Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving Skills because confidence grows when a young adult feels they are capable of solving their own problems. This is truly a life skill. Rather than you stepping in, telling them how to solve every problem, instead let them figure things out on their own. I know, this is tough to do. Takes practice. But the next time they face a challenge, stop yourself, and instead ask them an open-ended question like, "What do YOU think your options are?" This one question will force them to think critically about their situation and will help them to come up with their own solution. What can be more confidence boosting than solving your own problem?

The 4th suggestion I have is to teach them the importance of Embracing their Imperfections. Self-confidence doesn’t come from being flawless. Young adults have this misconception that self confident people are that way because their lives appear perfect, perpetuated of course by social media. But it’s the furthest from the truth. When we teach our young adult to embrace their imperfections, we give them permission to accept their flaws .It begins by you telling them that no one is perfect, but more importantly they don’t have to be. We all have our quirks and shortcomings, but in order to love ourselves we must accept ourselves. 

And finally, sit down with your young adult and encourage them to write out Clear and Achievable Goals. Setting realistic goals will not only give them something to work toward, but once they get there, that feeling of accomplishment will build their confidence every time. Start with one goal this week. Whether it’s applying for a job or completing a project at home, break it down into manageable steps with them, call it a to-do list which is a great habit for them to get into, and its okay to keep checking in on their progress. 

So, there you have it. 5 strategies that you can start doing with your adult child to lay the foundation for their self confidence to grow. It won’t happen over night, but at least you have something tangible to work with.Because I can assure you that if you don’t help them, they will struggle to develop it on their own. We live in a world where our children are always looking outward, at what everyone else is doing and all it does is make them feel worse. But truth is, we are all worthy. We all have something valuable to offer. If only we focused inward and forged our own paths, oh what a different world it would be and how much more confident we’d all feel.