#7: Substance Abuse and Alcohol Addiction in Young Adults: How Parents Can Tell If Their Child Has a Problem and What to Do Next

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Is your young adult or someone you love struggling with substance abuse or alcohol addiction? As a parent or loved one, recognizing the signs can be nerve-wracking and the idea of approaching this young adult can be terrifying, but it’s a crucial first step. In this episode, we dive into how parents, family and friends can identify substance abuse and addiction, we touch on the factors that contribute to these challenges, and most importantly, we talk about what steps you can take next. From understanding the warning signs to starting supportive conversations and finding professional help, this episode provides you with actionable strategies to guide your loved one toward recovery.  Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right support and steps, there’s always hope for healing and change. Your love and commitment can make all the difference in helping this young adult overcome their challenges and find a path toward a healthier, brighter future. I'm glad you are here! 

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Transcript

If you’re listening, it’s because you love your adult child and want to see them thrive—but you’re worried. Maybe you’ve noticed changes in their behavior recently. Perhaps you’ve found yourself questioning whether alcohol, weed, or even harder drugs might be playing a bigger role in their life than they are willing to admit.  

First, I want you to know how much I admire your courage for seeking information and support on such a difficult topic. Confronting the possibility that your child is struggling with substance abuse is a heart-wrenching experience. It’s heavy, complicated, and often filled with feelings of fear, guilt, or helplessness. 

Substance abuse among young adults is far more common than most people realize, it doesn’t just happen to other people, to the underprivileged or the homeless. 

And it’s not a reflection of failure, not on your part or theirs. 

What it is, however, is an obstacle that is preventing your adult child from thriving and living their life fully. If they are caught in the grips of addiction, no amount of encouragement, blind faith or love is going to work until that struggle is addressed.

I know, on a deeply personal level, that this is a very tough topic. I’m guessing that you don’t have too many people who you can talk to. Well, hopefully, after this episode you’ll have a much better idea of what’s going on and more importantly, that there is something you can do. 

This episode is going to focus on a few issues; first it will help you recognize the signs that your young adult may have a substance abuse problem. We’ll touch on the factors that contribute to substance abuse, that being whether addiction is learned, inherited, or both. And finally, we’ll discuss the critical steps that you can take, from starting the conversation to getting them professional help. 

Because here’s the truth: addiction and substance abuse are not battles you or your young adult can fight alone. This isn’t something they can simply “figure out” or outgrow. These issues are far too big for any family to handle on their own. 

You need outside help. Without it, these issues will only escalate, making it even harder for your child to transition into healthy adulthood.

Let’s begin with what you need to look for, the Signs of Substance Abuse

How often have you looked at your adult child lately and felt like something was off, but you weren’t sure? 

That’s because substance abuse isn’t always easy to spot. In fact it can be quite easily disguised by secrecy, lies and excuses. However, there are clear signs that will tell you when occasional use has crossed the line into frequent use, which is when it becomes a problem. These signs fall into three categories: physical, behavioral, and emotional.

First, the Physical Signs

Often times, the body reveals what words cannot. Have you been noticing changes in your adult child’s appearance—like sudden weight loss or facial puffiness, bloodshot eyes, or a lack of care for their personal hygiene? These might seem like minor details, but they can be the first signs of substance abuse. What about unexplained ailments? Constant sniffling, persistent shaking or complaints of nausea and headaches with no clear cause. Even their energy levels might feel off—one day they’re lethargic and barely moving, the next they’re overly energetic and unable to sit still. And then there are the signs of withdrawal. Have you ever seen them go a day or two without their usual habits, only to become sweaty, irritable, or shaky? How often are they hung over, but pretending their just unwell or exhausted. These physical changes are not random—they’re a message that something deeper could be going on

Second, Behavioral Signs These are often the biggest red flags of substance abuse. Maybe your adult child, once reliable, is now neglecting their responsibilities—struggling to keep a job, failing classes, or missing important commitments. 

Have you noticed secrecy creeping into their behavior? They’re hiding their phone, lying about their whereabouts, or locking themselves away, for hours at a time. And then there’s the money. Are they constantly asking for cash with vague excuses? Or worse, have you noticed things missing from your home? Financial problems, unexplained expenses, or even stealing can all point to substance abuse. And let’s not forget legal trouble—like DUI charges, arrests for possession, or reckless behavior, that is putting themselves in dangerous situations. When you step back and look at the patterns, these actions are telling you something.

Third, are the Emotional and Psychological Signs which can affect every aspect of their life—and yours. Have you noticed extreme mood swings that seem to come out of nowhere? They go from irritability, to sadness, to acting euphoric. These unpredictable shifts are more than typical ups and downs—they’re often a sign of the emotional chaos caused by substance abuse.

Perhaps they’ve started withdrawing from you and the family entirely. You might notice them isolating themselves in their room for hours or avoiding old friends in favor of a new, unfamiliar crowd. In some cases, they may retreat so deeply that they’re completely alone, avoiding any form of connection altogether.

Then there’s the mental health struggles. Signs like heightened anxiety, paranoia, or episodes of deep depression. In more severe cases, you might even see signs of hallucinations or delusional thinking. These aren’t just fleeting moments of distress; they reflect a deeper internal battle that you cannot ignore. 

If you’re noticing any of these signs over a period of months, it’s not something to brush off. Without intervention, substance abuse tends to worsen over time so the sooner you take action, the better.

This next topic I want to briefly touch on is something that parents often wonder about which is; What causes Substance Abuse and Addiction: Is It Learned or Inherited? 

The answer is: both can play a role.

Research shows that addiction has a genetic component. Studies suggest that children of individuals with alcohol or drug addiction are more likely to struggle with addiction themselves. This isn’t about “destiny,” or certainty. It just means that they are prone or susceptible. A genetic predisposition can make someone more vulnerable, but it doesn’t guarantee they’ll become addicted.

And as for the environment, or learned behavior, clearly this plays a powerful role. Young adults who grow up witnessing substance abuse may internalize it as a coping mechanism or see it as a normal part of life. Peer pressure, social norms, stressors such as untreated trauma or other mental health issues can also lead to substance abuse.

The takeaway here is that addiction is not a moral failing on your part—it’s a complicated combination of biology, environment, and personal choices. Recognizing this can help you avoid the blame game. It’s about addressing the issue now, not pointing fingers.

So what Do YOU DO if your young adult needs help?

The next step is to take action. Which is not easy. But your role as a parent can effect change. You are not helpless. You can make a difference. Here are the steps you can take:

First is something you need to do on your own:

Which is to Face Reality Without Denial. You have to accept that it’s really happening. It’s easy to downplay the problem, thinking, it’s just a phase or they’ll grow out of it. But substance abuse rarely resolves on its own. Only when you acknowledge the seriousness of the situation can you take meaningful action.

And next, you must Educate Yourself About Addiction, which if you’re here, you have already started. But it’s only the beginning of your journey. Understanding the nature of addiction will help you approach your young adult with compassion, clarity and strength. 

Addiction is not simply a lack of willpower—it’s a chronic condition that affects the brain’s reward and decision-making systems. Learning about the substances they might be using, their effects, and withdrawal symptoms will also prepare you for the challenges ahead.

And here’s what you need to do with them:

When you suspect substance abuse, the first and most important step is to approach your young adult with compassion. Not anger. Because substance abuse often stems from deep pain, shame, or a sense of hopelessness, so how you initiate your conversation matters more than you might think.

And I get it. Just the idea of approaching your young adult can feel daunting, but communication is the first critical step.

The key is to be calm and non-confrontational. Then, choose a time when emotions are not running high, and you can talk privately without distractions. Timing matters here—you want to approach them when they’re more likely to be open to listening and sharing.

Focus on specific observations instead of vague statements. For example, instead of saying, ‘You’ve been acting weird lately,’ you could say, ‘I noticed you’ve been missing work a lot and seem really exhausted.’ By pointing out tangible behaviors, you show that your concern is genuine and based on what you’ve seen, not just assumptions. If you don’t appear strong, they’ll sense weakness, and they WILL make you doubt yourself. It is your child after all, and you want to believe that they are ok. But you know better. Especially after today.

It's also important that they never feel attacked. Instead of accusing them, keep the conversation open and non-confrontational. For example: Use "I" statements, like, "I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really stressed lately and I’m really worried about you.”

 Asking open-ended questions invites conversation. Starting with “Is there something you want to talk about?" will work much better than an accusatory statement like, "Are you using drugs?"

You need to create a safe space for dialogue, encouraging your young adult to open up rather than shutting down, becoming defensive and lying. This first step is all about fostering connection and trust, because once they admit to you that they have a problem, that is true progress. 

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the AA philosophy but the very first step in that 12-step program is: "We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable."

Recognizing and admitting an addiction or substance use problem is a pivotal step toward recovery. In fact, research shows that this acceptance reduces shame and guilt, fosters a mindset that their addiction is a treatable condition rather than a personal failing and ultimately, those who admit their problem achieve better treatment outcomes, including long-term abstinence and improved overall well-being.

Once you get them to open up, remember to listen without interruption, judgment, or blame: This will give them space to speak freely without you jumping in. Sometimes, just being heard will help them to open up.

The next step is when you set a Clear Expectation for Change: It’s not just emotional comfort that you are offering. You are going to help them find support. This is when you say, ‘I will help you get into treatment or find the resources to recover.’  You will get through this.

There is balance between showing your support and setting firm boundaries. They need to know you care, but also that taking action is required.

You also have to be upfront about what you won’t enable. Giving them money, letting them get out of their responsibilities, missing meetings, are part of setting up boundaries and expectations for change.

It’s important to remember that boundaries aren’t about punishment—they’re about protecting your relationship and encouraging your young adult to take responsibility. Boundaries prevent you and your young adult from falling into unhealthy dynamics. When done with compassion, boundaries are a positive tool for growth, and not a barrier.

You’ve gotten this far with them. The next step is counselling:  Substance abuse is complex, and in many cases, professional intervention is essential. As much as you want to support them, these challenges are too big to handle on your own. The good news is, there are effective options tailored to the severity of each situation.

For those in critical need, detox programs provide medical supervision to safely withdraw from substances when they are physically dependent.

Rehabilitation centers offer a more structured environment, combining therapy, skills training, and a safe space to focus entirely on recovery. Look for centers that offer dual diagnosis. They’re designed to help your young adult not just get clean, but also get diagnosed, and receive therapy.

If their situation isn’t as severe, outpatient therapy might be the right choice. Regular sessions with an addiction counselor can provide the guidance and accountability they need while allowing them to continue living at home or working.

And finally, 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or other peer-led groups can provide a sense of community and accountability. Encourage your young adult to attend meetings, even if they’re hesitant at first. Seeing others who have walked the same path is often incredibly motivating.

I know that there’s a lot to unpack, but you don’t have to figure this out alone. Reach out to an addiction specialist or a family therapist for guidance and support. Professionals can help you navigate the best path forward for your young adult and your family.

And finally, take care of yourself; Supporting a young adult through substance abuse can take a huge toll on your emotional and physical well-being, so it’s vital to prioritize yourself too. Get support from groups like Al-Anon, where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Make time for activities that bring you peace, whether that’s exercising, or spending time with good friends. 

And most importantly, know your limits. Remember, you can’t fix this alone.

Believe me when I say that I truly understand how difficult this is. I’ve seen it enough times in my life to know that every step of this process can feel terrifying. From the first conversation, the denial, the lies, the broken promises, the anger, being shut out, as if you’re the enemy, to watching your young adult morph into someone you know is not who they really are. 

But the worst part is, seeing parents trying to handle it all on their own. Addiction is a medical and psychological condition that requires expert intervention because it is rarely just about the substances— often tied to deeper issues, coexisting with mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, even trauma. 

Long-term success depends on having the right tools and strategies. Rehab and therapy are needed to achieve and maintain sobriety—something that’s nearly impossible to do alone. 

Remember, your role as their parent, is to support, encourage and lead your young adult to the right resources—not to fix the problem yourself. Professionals are there to lighten your load and guide their journey.

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with this: recovery is possible. Substance abuse is a daunting challenge, but it’s not insurmountable. With the right support, resources, and perseverance, your young adult can overcome this and go on to lead a healthy, fulfilling and independent life. The key is to act now, with courage, clarity, and the right support system in place.

Thank you for joining me for this important conversation. If this episode resonated with you, I urge you to take action. Every step forward is progress, no matter how small.  And remember, you brought this child into the world. You have the strength to guide them toward healing, one step at a time, one day at a time.